Schooled by a homeless man

6/18/16 (date of event) Written 6/22/16

So my friend Justin and I went for a walk to the beach. Along the way we were encountered by a rich, displaced homeless man Dean (a rich man that got his goods stolen at the airport, supposedly). He wanted Taco Bell so Justin bought him some. The scripture “I don’t want to gain the whole world but loose my soul” kept repeated in my head but never made and exit out my mouth. He was in good shape, dark sun roasted skin with light green eyes to contrast it. He didn’t have many teeth and told us it was attributed to the Scottish love for fights in his blood that enjoyed drinking. While walking to Taco Bell he divulged most of his background and family. He was a descendent of royalty in Scotland. He admitted his problems with anger and his love for women. Rip curl supported him as a pro surfer, he had his masters in construction and he sculpted rocks and constructed waterfalls. 

By this point we made it to Taco Bell, got his order and were sitting down. He would talk a bunch and eat. His lack of teeth made it harder for him to chew and he would choke on his food occasionally (which was quite a site and i couldn’t help but chuckle at points) I took my motherly que and got water and napkins for the man because he was to busy chatting. This lead into his conversation about Rick Warren, a pastor at Saddle back church that he worked for, being paid 375,000 to construct the waterfalls at the house or church. He met him through working for him and Mr. Warren ministered to him by just being curious about his life. 

A pretty girl invited him to Mr. Warrens church and he mainly went because of her. He was very forward about how he wouldn’t have minded a saturday sleepover before going to church (he had a lose mouth and was unashamed about what he wanted. Many things I didn’t exactly want to hear but part of it was freeing seeing someone unashamed about their humanness.) Justin and I are friends but Dean thought “I was his girlfriend/lady/gal.” I didn’t object and neither did Justin because it was fine to me to let him think that. (protection). This moment Justin and I shared with Dean was all about Dean. 

He was assigned to a small group and Rick Warren was leading it. The connection became deeper as Rick exhorted him how blessed he was. Dean vented to him about his 45,000 divorce court case, his failings in life and how angry he was. Rick was a friend to him and just listened. Our speaker Danny Lehmann had just told us that Rick Warren poured most of his money from his success back into the church and expanded the ministry. Dean was very impressed by how Warren lived out the principles of the Bible. Dean knew parts of the Bible well enough, that he started preaching to us and we were all ears. Dean read the Purpose driven life book and kept repeating the part “I am created to give God pleasure. I give Him pleasure.” No coincidences in life, because I’ve been reading that book and that was the second to last chapter I read. This man was drunk, wanting food and some cigarettes. He was open, funny and gave Justin and I a group hug because he was feeling “energy.” I wasn’t okay with details about the situation but knew God knew and had peace.

He was in a vulnerable place but was confident he gave God pleasure and God loved him.That man seemed more free that I did. He was living on faith and the kindness of strangers. One of them being Dave Swenson the night before. Dave hung out with him and told him about YWAM. (I don’t think YWAM would accept him. If he gave up a few of his habits possibly)  I began to cry as he shared how He believed God felt about him. He began to minister in his state. He would offend many religious folk but thats not who I am. A human who loves God and is trying to find comfort in an uncomfortable living situation. I am being softened and touched by surprising things. He was aware he had a lot by having food, running water and a nice bathroom. Thank you for the perspective check and inspiring me to do the same. I came to the dorms and told my roommates. One of them said “You just got schooled by a rich homeless man)I couldn’t help but cry because I know the Lord is calling me to this kind of confidence about His love for me. When will it go from head to heart knowledge and change my insecure behaviors? Ugh woman in waiting, seeking, reading…..

I made a decision. I am not going. It came down to the question- what is motivating me to go? God doesn't love me any more or less if I do or don't go. Do I want to go or am I going because I think God would love me more? I will not be motivated by fear or obligation. God loves me either way. And I keep hearing in me, I don't want to go, I don't want to go. So I'll listen to that. I won't go. I have peace and I'm happy about that. I miss my family and that is that. Decision made. Thank you for all who prayed and read this blog. I am learning about how to make decisions:)

Prayer Please

So Intercessorys and story followers- 

I am being challenged.

               Island culture like Samoa is not necessarily like Hawaii or California. I went to a meeting and was informed that we will be in huts, mosquitos are very abundant (which they are loving me here in Hawaii already), limited access to internet, bathrooms/showers are detached from our hut, electricity is in few locations, its going to be hot and yet we are called to be modest, covering the shoulders and knees at all times (skirts and short sleeved shirts), unsure  of weather we will be by water, or have any kind of breeze, its humid. Washing clothes by hand, slower pace.

Hot, sticky, very likely irritated with bug bites, different smells, traditions- can I handle these changes?

Yes, beautiful beaches, great fruit and the people I hear are very inviting and loving. 

Being able to teach and hear the word like another DBS is a privilege in order to firm up what I have already learned.

 (here is a map of Samoa) http://www.medicalmissions-samoa.com/samoa%20distance%20map.gif

          Our project is giving birth to a DBS school in a new location. We are doing something that has never been done before. DBS has never gone on outreach and our leaders have their hands open to what the situation is going to be like. There are 25 students signed up so far and some may come from surrounding Islands which means variation in the languages, needing translators. There are many unknowns but God knows what they are and will inform us at the right time.

                  This makes me consider many details. I will have my supplements but possibly not my raw eggs like normal. I’ve had to achieve a certain level of security in my health and will this be sustainable on this island? Can I trust the Lord to provide for my body and sustain? He’s big enough. 

The pervasive mindset is what is mine is yours. Will I handle lack of privacy? If I bring out a snack or game/something everyone is welcomed to it, which will make me lay down my attitude of entitlement (american trait? maybe.) This is mine and you can’t touch it. Is this really mine?   Not exactly Annalyse… Great preparation for having children or even being married eh? Healthy boundaries all in context but they are very relationally oriented with sharing life. Christ came to share eternity. 

What is my ultimate goal in life? To know God and make Him known. He went outside of His comfort zone, can I do the same? I know these are all touchy areas in me that need to be confronted. My goal is to love like Him, to have His image burned inside of me and display His disposition through my actions

***Main issue. I am suppose to buy the ticket this upcoming week but do not have $ yet raised for this trip. Its around 1,200-1,500 for such tickets. How can I, no how is this possible with God?***

My mind has many reasons to go and one of them being the opportunity to be like Christ who went outside of his comfort zone to reach us unlovable people, opportunities to listen and be a better student.  Yet I am human and am counting the cost of what I am stepping into. I have a choice to say no right now I don’t want to suffer if I don’t have to. Yet the point is being with Jesus. If this stretching and challenging will develop deeper intimacy with/dependency on Christ then the point will be accomplished. 

What the worst thing that could happen? I could just not like it and go home. No one is ever a failure for trying. I want to be like Christ, softened, full of grace and truth like my name. How do you become unoffendable? Its by being stretched eh? Join me in prayer for these ideals to be carried out and courage to step out in His will. 3 months of stretching could be just what I need to have a better perspective, practice trusting in Christ and letting His peace guard my heart and mind during this time and for the rest of life. Thank you for reading:)

Second time around

Dear friends and family. 

  I’m enjoying myself in Hawaii. There is rain, sunshine, rainbows, billowy clouds and my mind is feeding on THE WORD. We are receiving an overview of the bible in chronological order along with some historical information to get into the shoes of the original audience. The first 6 weeks were tough because of the demanding 4:30 am wake up schedule. Circumstances ended up with me being a leader for a group of grumpy morning duty people. I had many discoveries about others and my own personality.  There have been many fuzzy tiring days but oh the moments of elation and revelation! When the dots to connect its especially fun. Now I have an afternoon shift only 2 days a week. A relief. 

I’m growing so much and I am very appreciative of everyone who has been behind me, not just this journey but my previous journey to this campus 5 years ago in 2011. God really has been in the business of forging my character through all the various trials aka unfamiliar circumstances. Refining is the word that comes to mind and I feel His fire during worship. There has been a dying to self which is weird and painful because its like I’m really touching what self is. Redefining what I have done or thought I knew in order to be dumbfounded at how much I don’t know! He’s got a system, I just don’t understand all the parts … yet. Process, process and oh another process part of the journey:)

When my brain is happy by having the right nutrition= food, supplements, sleep and rest it can do what it was made to do. Think well and clearly. I’ve had to wait to receive why God would have me to go to….. Samoa. The YWAM base there is spearheading a new DBS and they need some staff and extra hands to help. God has gifted me with helping birth new ministries and that would be what I am doing in Samoa. With what I am receiving right now, I know I am a teacher at heart. When I teach,  things get cemented into my brain. I want to exercise what I know right off the bat so it really gets ingrained. I can’t do it without support. Their estimated total is about $3,000 (and some...) for 3 months which really isn’t that much. Most outreaches vary from 4-6,000.  This time would help solidify what I have just learned, give me an idea of what staffing is like and learn how to adapt to a new culture for 3 months. This is my time to try out YWAM and see if its what and where God would have me invest into. All that we learn doesn’t go to waste!

Please join me in prayer and finances if the Lord would lead you to do so. 

My Pay Pal will be up soon for contributions. Aloha!

Back to the Island!

Good evening fellow bloggers.
                  Its that time again to head on off to the Island. This time I'm more at home and settled in who I am. Going to a DBS (Discipleship Bible School) with YWAM. Had some uncomfortable but very necessary growing pains to get free from the childish egg I was chill in emotionally and spiritually. I can hear from, walk with and talk to God on my own. Transference of dependence from parents to Jesus and trusting that Holy Spirit and intuition working together. Reading THE WORD. GETTING IT IN MY HEART, MIND TO RUMINATE IN MY BELLY/SOUL. Had some immature and misinterpretations about who God is and I'm ready to clear up those misconceptions to get a clearer picture of who He is. Even if He is a mystery, and our minds won't every fully comprehend who God is (even though it would like to but if it did, it would try to control, but He is a person all to Himself! Who does everything for the purpose of love even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment) He loves our seeking because our face is turned towards Him. Immersion, the best way for someone like myself to learn.
                  The way to love is to get outside of yourself but don't forget you are important to. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. How do you love yourself? Its not emphasized but I'm learning it.  Know yourself, own up to your weakness, build your strengths and be ashamed of nothing. For it was all made by God to give him glory. Even sickness, sexualitySinging the song" Baby I"m worth it" all the time because its true! So excited to go through the word. My mind is fully alive because I've found a delicate balance between body and mind.It took work, money and discipline. Found this balance and IT AINT GOING NOWHERES!!
                 Learning not just to hear the the wind but listen to what it says. It takes silence and a trusting stillness to find. That all I need to be is here and now and I AM ENOUGH. I am equipped with all I need for the next season/step and God will equip and teach along the way. Stay teachable!
If God wanted more He would have added. But He works with what we have and where we are at. PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR. Get those dang thoughts of dread out, we don't need that doubt weighing us down! Let it drive you to know your God.  Anxiety leads to dispare because you have let what is out side overwhelm your insides and you look inside to find nothing but questions but all your soul wants is peace! Which I know who can give you that-  It surpasses your UNDERSTANDING to guard your heart and MIND. Peace comes through trust and trust leads to rest. It happens through surrender- your willfully giving something over. He's personal enough to wrestle with our questions and rebellion. He pushes back because He's got love and blessings to give but we must want them and ask.  Give that worry over- counteract it with who He is/word/truth. Soothe your soul with worship, songs of deliverance, take deep breathes, return to here and now. This is a journey and I'm finally getting that.

TO the Future- to eternity and beyond! Annalyse

Dearest Blog followers,
             It's been almost a year since I last left a message of some sort. So much has changed.
While in Kona Hawaii I received the full portion of the Holy Spirit and got baptized in water.
I said "I don't want to follow God out of obligation or fear. I am here to follow because I want to."
The word want has taken on a whole new meaning. The want indicates a personal choice. God has
had to prove Himself over these last 4 years and its time to keep on keeping on.
Since last September these are some major events:
September:
 Resting and writing in reflection of the revelations received.
Received the job at Nordhoff as a dance costumer/student supervisor
Began Younglife
October, November still resting, fellowshiping with the new group of college students who formed in my home town
December:
 Received a job at a preschool. Let me say the book is no where near hands on.
January:
Became super sick the whole month. 1 week I was super down with period and sickness, parents packing and preparing to move to Blythe. Lost a set of work keys. No bueno.
February:
Birthday month I'm  22!- my friend Matt stepped into my life. Parents moved.
March:
Came and went, friend Matt and I getting closer. Ordering clothes for NHS spring dance concert.
April:
I spent a lot of time at Nordhoff with the girls supervising their rehearsals and practice hours, while helping with other major details for the show. Matt Asked me out and I fought him for 2 weeks then said yes. Began a girls Bible study on campus- which then I found out later it was against school policy. Devised another plan....
May:
Prepared for specific Younglife teens to go to camp. Set up a garage sale, sent out support letters.
June 16th-22nd. Woodleaf young life camp! Returned rested and packed up again for...
June 31-
July 21st was a staff member at Younglife Woodleaf camp base
Rested for 3 weeks while house sitting at the Sloneker's.
August:
I began again at Nordhoff's dance department for the second time around.
Preschool numbers are low so not much work and am searching for another job.
September:
The job at NHS getting into high gear. Broke up with Matt out of obedience.
Received a job with glamour on wheels which hosts princess like parties for girls. Started training 9/15/2012. It's centered in Oxnard. Been having irregular periods, am on a lactose and gluten free diet= amazing!
Any Questions? Email me or leave a comment. annalysemo4jc@yahoo.com
I've been writing like a crazy woman, but its more taxing with the new level of life as an adult and becoming a woman. DETAILS>>>>>I have a new love of organizing and being clean even if it doesn't appear like that in my room or car.
New direction-seeking out schools for dance, teaching, nutrition. Something like that. New goals to eat healthy, get in dancer shape= a lot more consciencous work, intentionality about time and money, take a finances class. Exciting, exhausting, waiting period is a wrestless period for some like myself. You know one must learn rest because the world won't allow it or teach it to you. This is why working in a group, learning how to communicate makes life harder when learning how to do it, but in the long run it saves you becoming ragged. This is why I believe we have so many independent people, because its a challenge to connect......
Its a choice to be dependent on people, and we let each other down all the time. Grace fills in the relational gaps. Life is richer with people, and that is why Jesus chose to share it with 12 others and hold 3 close. Funny how its three, three in the beginning, three during major ministry and it will end with everyone else centered around three. Enough of me! Toodles

Thoughts

So relationships…. School of relationships. When I was younger it was all about my body growing, being entertained and keeping my mind busy with something. The world supplied many visuals for what their interpretation of intimacy was but now God has stripped that away It’s time to rest in the person God has created me to be. How was I created to function? How does this function blend in with the other people? What do I add to society? Am I replaceable?

Oh my goodness- intimacy! Why have I never had an intimate relationship before? At least one with the opposite sex. I have my family and bestie but ooooh a man eh? Oh yes so simple but profound is I never received pure intimacy from the one who created it. If we know the real thing we can discern a phony in an instant.This can take so much time! Intimacy- where do you find it? What is your definition of intimacy? Does it have to do with a bed, someone elses naked body and somehow you create a beautiful picture together? Does it have to do with sharing your darkest secrets? Maybe- but where and when did these pictures begin to associate with intimacy?

Truest form of intimacy = knowing someone.  The smallest details, IN’s and outs to the degree that the other person did not know facts about themselves. Yes- In- time-I see (Intimacy). It takes faith, time and a driving interest in this person to continue to get to know them. Perhaps a bit of mystery? I love God’s creativity with languages. In Hebrew the word yada- is only used a few times. Yada- to know, deepest level of intimacy is how a wife knows the husband and visa versa. The verb that describes Adam and Eve’s knowing each other.You can't fully know what that means unless you've experienced it. 

It’s a fountain- it must come from within to go out. From the unseen ground or pipes being channeled to its appropriate place and at the proper time it emerges. Some as streams some as rivers others just land in the ocean. What prevents the flow of healing and restoration that intimacy provides? Always always fear!

              Our generation is finding many substitutes for this intimacy. YOU think of a few. T.V., IPODS, Cellphones, electonics that give without touching or being emotionally available. It’s always giving and we are always taking from it. It needs an electricity source yeah? It can die to- but it has no soul, spirit, emotions. Does it have a mind or mouth? It’s been mentally programmed so it doesn’t say the words need or want. You can program it to say what you want. You do what you want with it. It’s mouth and ears are the speakers which it gives out and only records what you say. You play back yourself yeah? It’s mindless, mouthless, fast, easy. Totally opposite of what a true relationship requires. Dealing with someone with a mind of their own making technology easier to work with because you don’t have to deal with feelings and emotions. Pain! I hate pain, I hate feeling uncomfortable, hate feeling empty.  Technology, you can touch it but not embrace it. You could eat it but um I don’t think that would be a beneficial relationship. Oh did I just say that? Relationship? Are we afraid of this word? Daymmmm. Did I mention time? The R word takes time and ohhh who hates what is hard? Is it not in our nature to avoid the difficult?

 My challenge to those reading- do what is harder first. The obedience has rewards. Share your heart, your mind, your time. If you trust God that He has this down pat- they why don’t you go out and do it. I challenge you because I myself am challenging fear, looking it in the face. I am saying to it “You won’t prevent me from entering into the dream life Jesus died to give me. Here I go to pursue it. Faith I will step out on water and know that God is turned toward me ready to hold my hand.” Will you come on this adventure with me? Let’s let our knees shake together and faint in awe when we see the outcome of our faith.