I made a decision. I am not going. It came down to the question- what is motivating me to go? God doesn't love me any more or less if I do or don't go. Do I want to go or am I going because I think God would love me more? I will not be motivated by fear or obligation. God loves me either way. And I keep hearing in me, I don't want to go, I don't want to go. So I'll listen to that. I won't go. I have peace and I'm happy about that. I miss my family and that is that. Decision made. Thank you for all who prayed and read this blog. I am learning about how to make decisions:)